Saturday, December 22, 2012

Failure to thrive...

People die everyday. Not too many who commit suicide live to tell the tale of such ventures. I have tried and failed. The attempts that I have made, in the aftermath the Doctors told me that anyone else would have died, without a doubt. 

My question is why is it illegal for people like that Kevorkian guy to help people like me? I am utterly useless, I am a burden on my family and if anyone has read my blog, the masses think that I am fucking crazy! 

I have spent time in an asylum. I have admitted myself at one point and I think that the survival instincts that we as living creature have keeps me drudging through everyday life. 

After I got out of the mental ward, I met my now wife. We have 2 children and now they need me more than I can understand or fathom. There are times that my wife tells me that even through all the trials and tribulations we endure that she wants me over anyone else. 

I wish that Charles Manson's idea for "Suicide Dens" were allowed and taken mainstream! I wish that Dr. Kevorkian was allowed to continue his practices... How is it your choice to tell me that I have to live? The more stress and bullshit I live through and the harder I find it to deal with my psychosis the more I question how I get up in the morning! 

Kevorkian has the RIGHT idea! Why should I burden this Earth, the resources, and waste my frustrations on others when my own existence is a failed experiment. I happily welcome any of you reading this to please do me the favor should you ever see me on the street. Walk up, and blow my fucking head off! Seems that 3 failed attempts that would have killed anyone else is not enough to kill me. 

I am fat, I am depressed beyond measure. I cannot get any headway in life. I am tired off ailing as a father and husband. I am tired of being tired. Please, should you see me, I waive any guilt you may feel. I would see your act of violence as nothing more than a favor extending a courtesy to end my suffering. 

Aren't the holidays a great time of year? 

I fucking hate being the failure I am. I hate seeing things as I do. Yet, there is nothing I can do about it. 

Fuck it.

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