Wednesday, January 18, 2012

More Sad Than Funny...

I look around at certain things... I am currently more depressed at this very moment and have been getting worse over the last several months. I look back at my nagging want to die. My meaningless efforts at that very thing! Hell, I was BORN dead according to some... Why could I have no stayed that way? What have I done in my 35 year existence that was worth saving?

I ruined my wife's life... I brought her here. I took her away from her family.

I have brought 3 children into this world. 1, I have not seen in 8 years. 2 that will suffer through life, LONG after I am a worm farm...

I have racked up almost $100K in student loans... 14 years I have been in school! After dropping out of high school, I obtained my G.E.D. = Good Enough Diploma... 14 years I have struggled through one school to another to another in efforts of getting a SINGLE degree! Yes, I am serious! I have spent over a decade in effort to hold a piece of paper...

Trying to think... I have done nothing to better the world in any way shape or form, and yet still I am here... Using up resources, and wasting oxygen, filling up space and statistics...

I am reminded of a line in one of my favorite movies...

Life is cruel! Anyone who tells you different is trying to sell you something!

When I try to talk to people, I apparently upset them. People at work see me, and they see how sluggish I am, or worn out I look... I was told last Wednesday that I looked like death warmed over... NICE!

So I turn to writing. Even in the written word only certain things are permitted as to not offend or upset others... Funny how there are companies and clubs, whatever who are fighting to keep the internet free from censorship and yet I am forced to live it, every day of my life.

funny...

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