Saturday, January 21, 2012

Deeper in My (S)hell...

If suicide is not illegal, and we have an issue with over population as it is... why do law enforcement take you a "facility" to be monitored and evaluated after you fail an attempt? Would it not be more logical to let you try again, or given the outcome of your attempt you could sign a waiver and let them finish the job!

If you are ONLY trying to kill yourself, I am not sure I understand that logic! If you are not using or planning methods that will hurt anyone else, then... hell MORE power to you!

Too many people alive today! We are burning thru resources like they are going out of style and still people are encouraged to live longer, and longer... Do more to stay alive? Really?

I find it funny how they say that there are so many programs out there to help people in need! There are! That is not a lie! However, you have to fit into one of 3 categories... Insured & Covered, No Insurance & No Money, or No Insurance but you make too much to get help! Not enough to live but too much for help...

Me? I am in the 3rd one... I am further down in this cycle than I have ever been in my life! People rant and rave at me, and I do nothing. I stoop lower and lower. Then people do not take into account the physical and emotional effects of this mental situation I am in. No one cares what I am feeling! They only see what THEY want to see! They do not understand or comprehend the level of hell I am walking thru, just to struggle further and hurt more.

There are no plans out there for me. Even if there were, I would not take advantage of them... Not out of pride, not out of finances... Out of fear! Plain and simple! I am mortified that I would never be allowed another breath of fresh and free air.

People collect disability for being depressed. I am not a leech! I work for what I have, I work to provide, I work to earn. Maybe if I work harder, so will my body and nature will take its course... Then my thinking on this topic is pointless! Probably is anyhow. Nothing I do seems to be worth anything to anyone, if it ever was...

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