Sunday, July 24, 2011

People are Stupid...

I feel pretty crappy right now... I am going to post a couple of thoughts in this one...

Had a bit of a tiff with Mrs. Mindful today... That inspired me to write this:

When ppl gauge their success on things it is something that they can measure. Right? Right. Well, why should failure be any different? Let us review some of my finer points? Shall we?

I am a heathen, high school and college dropout, over bearing control freak, ill tempered mental patient, and I cannot support my family without A LOT of help!

I have a job, YAY! Something in the win column, right? WRONG! I am a Computer and Network Technician for an Airline. People hear that and think: OMG! BIG MONEY! Yeah, ok! Due to having NO diploma, no degree, and NO certifications, I am paid like some illegal immigrant.

Comparatively speaking? Yes, it is more than I have ever made in my life. EVER! However, I have MORE bills now than EVER in my life! EVER! I have NO insurance! I have a lot of things that require the attention of a Doctor, can I get that looked at? NO! No insurance!

I mess up everything I do! I ripped Jenny and Bailey away from a family that misses them! Sure my family cares, but no one in my family has the ability or time to help out with time. Whether it be come visit, help me by taking Jenny and or Bailey to Doctor’s appointments, or just taking the time to come and spend time…  My family is so used to being kept at striking distance, that the new found want for them to be around is absurd to them!

While in AR, Jenny had a good job and I was helping out with my crappy one! We were making it… We HAD insurance! Then I got an email one day about a job that I applied for 13 months prior. After having ripped her from AR, and bringing her and Bailey far from their AR family, here we are stuck! I cannot go back to school, I cannot get another job, and I cannot get assistance! I am STUCK! I make too much to get help, but not enough to pay the bills!

Jenny and I have not had a NIGHT to go out in almost 2 years! We are NOT wasting money on buying movies, or partying! We are prolly the dullest couple anyone would ever meet! However, due to my ignorance and selfishness I got US into this mess.

I cannot make too much money or else Jenny and Bailey lose their Care Source! However I cannot get insurance! I am working 2 jobs TRYING to cover the bills! I can sit here and watch Jenny try to work the budget with the money I bring in. Then she figures it out, and then I mess things up!
The road to hell is paved with good intentions!

I am negative! I am not a happy person! I am not one that people turn to when they are sad! I am in a constant state of abysmal depression that no hope or light escape me!

Jenny told me today that regardless how many times she compliments me that does not stick, but when she mentions or insinuates one negative thing, I am gone the rest of the day… Not geographically, but mentally, physically, and emotionally…

I have the distinct impression that I do NO right! NOT one thing I do has an even or progressive step forward! Really? Yes, really! I have thoughts on why this is. However, it matters not, all that does matter is that nothing I do will ever make a difference! 

No matter how hard I struggle up hill, the boulders continue to flatten me and then those above me remain to dance on my bruised back… People wonder WHY I think this way? This is how people have made me…  


Then reading the headlines I saw that they Philly Eagles are showing interest in Brett Farve... Well, I guess they can only go up from where they are! Whatever... Anywho, I was pleased to see someone say the following statement:

Timothy Leary:
Football sucks major @-s-shole.
All you people who sit around your television
sets or waste your money going to the game to
watch this non-sense are all losers.

Seeing how I played football for 7 years, and I loved it! I was decent, but it was fun to have a place to freely channel my aggression and anger! I was involved in something that I was no longer an outsider! I was accepted. My violent temper was not only respected, and nurtured, but also rewarded! So, I commented to good old Timothy....

The Mindful Lunatic:
Funny how opinionated you are about a sport that you show no interest in! What do you consider a decent past time? Pounding the 6 packs of beer that you get at Wal-Mart for $2.99 right before you go hunting in the woods? Then when you prove your manhood by shooting at and in your case hopefully hitting a defenseless animal. Then you scurry home to your trailer that is sitting up on cinder blocks and HOPE even more that your sister is in the mood or in a deep enough sleep that you will not disturb her while you are feeling frisky? Am I any where near the reality here?

** In Closing, I leave you with this... **

I have a simple thought / request! I am ALL FOR someone having a different opinion, idea, thought and sometimes belief! However, when your opinion differs from mine? Please, show your intelligence and respect and refrain from the insults! K!?

I refer to myself as a Mindful Lunatic... I have diagnosis's to actually back that up! I have Dr. bills dating 20+ years... Just because I am insane, does not mean that I am automatically stupid! Think before you write! People are too often too quick to speak! Here in the printed format, there is NO excuse! You can write all you want, but that is the BEAUTY of the Delete and Backspace buttons! 

People are no longer drinking at the fountain of knowledge! I truly believe that they are not eve gargling anymore! 







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